Our language’s toughest word

For millions of us, “no” is the toughest word to say.
Especially when a friend asks for our help.
My wife used to get after me all the time.
“You’re a sucker for anyone who asks,” she said.
She was right. Now I’ve reformed.
I’m not rude. I can say no politely . . . and mean it.
One reader wrote in frustration about this the other day.
“All of my career, I’ve been roped into things I don’t like doing.
‘I haven’t figured out how to just say no to friends.
“Got any ideas on graceful ways to say no?”
Yes, here are five ways to do it.
1. “I can’t do it. I’m sorry. Thanks for asking.”
2. “I appreciate you asking but I don’t have the time now.”
3. “You know I don’t make commitments loosely. I can’t now.”
4. “Try me later? I may be able to do it then.”
5. “You know, Joe would be a better choice to do this.”

There are probably a dozen more ways to say it.
Out of respect for the friend who asks, observe three rules.
1. Be polite but firm.
2. Always tell the truth.
3. Stand by your decision to say no.

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Two words for a happy marriage

One of my worst mistakes was made out of ego.
I was ambitious, headstrong and career driven.
We lived on a golf course at the foot of the mountains.
My family was happy and so was I . . . relatively.
But the challenges of the job had been conquered.
I was growing restless and eager for a new challenge.
Along came an offer. Bigger challenge. Bigger paycheck.
Despite my families misgivings, I accepted the job.
I conquered the new challenges . . . then was fired.
I did what they hired me to do. That was the end of that.
I’m fortunate I didn’t lose my marriage and children.
I have since learned the two words for a happy marriage.
Yes. That’s right. They are: “Yes, dear.”
Here are five tips to enrich your relationships:
1. Be realistic about your relationships.
You and your partner won’t like everything about each other.
Think of what you like. Don’t dwell on what you dislike.
Do the same with your children, parents and friends.
2. Support each other. Life’s hard. We need support.
God gives us tests of character almost every day.
We all need someone watching our backs.
3. List 10 things you like about your spouse.
Put it in your wallet or purse and read it from time to time.
It’s OK to add to it, too, when you find a new one you like.
You’ll do yourself a favor to do the same for your children.
4. Spend 10 minutes each day talking with your spouse.
Talk about anything but work, chores or anything unpleasant.
Talk about dreams. What to do this weekend. On vacation.
5. Compliment your spouse on something he or she did.
Show appreciation. Affection. Respect. Love.
Heard a good joke? Share a laugh together.
And practice saying “Yes, dear”. They are golden words.

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Delivering bad news

I interviewed a forensic death investigator yesterday.
Laura Grimes-Gould is a former CIS investigator.
Now she works for our coroner investigating deaths.
She determines how, when and often why someone died.
It must be fascinating work if some times grisly.
Particularly if a body is already decomposing.
That’s not the toughest part of Laura’s work.
She has to tell their loved ones that they are dead.
Not by phone. Laura goes to see them in person.
She and her boss, Harry Harman, feel this is important.
It must be done with compassion and respect for the family.
If the family is out of state, Laura calls the coroner there.
She arranges for someone to tell the family, with compassion.
Many of us can identify with what Laura has to do.
I remember the first time I went to get a dead boy's photo.
The authorities had not yet notified the boy’s mother.
I was the one who brought her the bad news.
Delivering bad news isn’t fun. But it must be done.
You may have to discipline your child. Use compassion.
You may have to discipline an employee. Use compassion.
You may have to fire an employee. Use compassion.
Whatever you must do, follow Laura’s example.
Show compassion and respect for the other person.
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P.S. An invitation for readers in the Lexington area.
Our annual Chronicle Open House will be Saturday.
Come by 11 a.m. - 1 p.m. for food and holiday cheer.
It’s at our office, 131 Swartz Rd., Lexington.
We're just off U.S.1 near the Lexington library.
I’ll be glad to autograph any of my books for you.
They make great Christmas gifts. Hope to see you then.

Control your emotions

Your emotions can cloud your judgment. For example:
An account executive asked me to join her on a call.
A prospect had been highly disrespectful to her.
This riled me. I won’t have anyone mistreat our people.
We have respectful relations or no relations at all
I won’t tolerate bullies nor work with ass kissers.
I told her I would straighten him out.
Carol asked, “Please don’t do that. I need this account.
“Lets just see how he acts toward you,” she said.
I agreed. If he acted with respect, I would, too.
He must have sensed he wasn’t the only Alpha male.
Our talk was productive. He agreed to sign a contract.
You must be respectful but firm with propects and clients.
If not, some will try to walk all over you.
They are small people who want you to feel smaller.
Carol was right. My temper had clouded my judgment.
Don’t let emotions cloud your own good judgment.
Step back and think, what’s the best way to handle this?
Do you have a strategy for dealing with people like this?
Please share it with us by clicking on comment below.
For more on handling troublesome people, please go to
http://www.jerrybellune.com/books/lead-people-manage-things/lead-people-manage-things-the-book.htm