Our language’s toughest word

For millions of us, “no” is the toughest word to say.
Especially when a friend asks for our help.
My wife used to get after me all the time.
“You’re a sucker for anyone who asks,” she said.
She was right. Now I’ve reformed.
I’m not rude. I can say no politely . . . and mean it.
One reader wrote in frustration about this the other day.
“All of my career, I’ve been roped into things I don’t like doing.
‘I haven’t figured out how to just say no to friends.
“Got any ideas on graceful ways to say no?”
Yes, here are five ways to do it.
1. “I can’t do it. I’m sorry. Thanks for asking.”
2. “I appreciate you asking but I don’t have the time now.”
3. “You know I don’t make commitments loosely. I can’t now.”
4. “Try me later? I may be able to do it then.”
5. “You know, Joe would be a better choice to do this.”

There are probably a dozen more ways to say it.
Out of respect for the friend who asks, observe three rules.
1. Be polite but firm.
2. Always tell the truth.
3. Stand by your decision to say no.

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Napoleon was forced

to retreat from Russia

Do what you do best
Pamela Geer knows the frustration of growing a business.
She writes that she often looks for the grandiose strategy.
When that becomes overwhelming, no real action is taken.
She now follows Food Network star Paula Deen’s example:
Start where you are and start with what you know best.
That’s powerfully simple advice, she writes.
“I plan to do it right now in the next steps I take.”
Thanks, Pamela. You are a role model for the rest of us.
We live in desperate times. Don’t count on a fast recovery.
We tend to think these times call for desperate measures.
That only make us look desperate to clients and colleagues.
Napoleon’s invasion of Russia is a classic example.
He had not counted on the Russian winter or the Russians.
The Russians burned everything as they retreated.
They left nothing for the French Army to forage.
Then the winter set in and the invasion failed.
Assess your strengths. At what do you excel?
Like Paula Deen and her sandwiches, do what you do best.
Next, assess your weaknesses. What don’t you like to do?
What do you feel uncomfortable doing? Do not do well?
Find someone with those strengths to work with you.
They may be a partner, friend, relative or employee.
We can’t be all things to our friends or our clients.
Do what we excel at and find others to do the rest.

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Paula and sons at her popular

Lady & Sons Restaurant in Savannah

Start where you are

We were talking with a Savannah lawyer we met the other day.
The topic of conversation was Food Network star Paula Deen.
He knew her personally and had watched her rise to stardom.
Paula was a young single mother with two sons to feed.
She did the only thing she knew much about. She cooked.
Rather she made sandwiches and sold them office to office
Her sandwiches were good and saved him valuable time.
He didn’t need to go out to eat lunch on busy days.
Paula was selling good taste, convenience and herself.
Watching her on TV, you know she’s loaded with personality.
All the business people downtown got to know her.
They encouraged her to open a small restaurant.
That led to larger and larger restaurants.
Now it's almost impossible to get a table in her restaurant.
I know. We tried. They were booking tables for the next day.
Paula is an entrepreneur. She parlayed her local celebrity.
She wrote and published a cookbook to sell in her restaurant.
That led to more cookbooks in gift shops and other locations.
I’m not sure how she connected with Food Network but she did.
Now she’s a national celebrity cook and runs a cooking school.
She even has a line of cookware. There's no stopping her.
The great thing is that she does all of this in Savannah.
Lesson learned: Start where you are.
Work diligently and creatively. Don't give up.
Like Paula, there’s no telling where it might take you.

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Two words for a happy marriage

One of my worst mistakes was made out of ego.
I was ambitious, headstrong and career driven.
We lived on a golf course at the foot of the mountains.
My family was happy and so was I . . . relatively.
But the challenges of the job had been conquered.
I was growing restless and eager for a new challenge.
Along came an offer. Bigger challenge. Bigger paycheck.
Despite my families misgivings, I accepted the job.
I conquered the new challenges . . . then was fired.
I did what they hired me to do. That was the end of that.
I’m fortunate I didn’t lose my marriage and children.
I have since learned the two words for a happy marriage.
Yes. That’s right. They are: “Yes, dear.”
Here are five tips to enrich your relationships:
1. Be realistic about your relationships.
You and your partner won’t like everything about each other.
Think of what you like. Don’t dwell on what you dislike.
Do the same with your children, parents and friends.
2. Support each other. Life’s hard. We need support.
God gives us tests of character almost every day.
We all need someone watching our backs.
3. List 10 things you like about your spouse.
Put it in your wallet or purse and read it from time to time.
It’s OK to add to it, too, when you find a new one you like.
You’ll do yourself a favor to do the same for your children.
4. Spend 10 minutes each day talking with your spouse.
Talk about anything but work, chores or anything unpleasant.
Talk about dreams. What to do this weekend. On vacation.
5. Compliment your spouse on something he or she did.
Show appreciation. Affection. Respect. Love.
Heard a good joke? Share a laugh together.
And practice saying “Yes, dear”. They are golden words.

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Independent thinking encouraged

Here's an pre-Independence Day thought for you.
What would we be without non-conformists?
Without contrarians, would we be living in caves?
Radical thinkers are responsible for our progress.
They had the guts to take on conventional wisdom.
Galileo. Columbus. Joan of Arc. Our Founding Fathers.
Some were ostracized. Some burned at the stake.
Think about that five days before Independence Day.
If our ancestors had played it safe we would still be . . .
. . . British subjects, speaking English, not American.
Saying “Jolly good” instead of “You all”.
Don’t shun, avoid or look askance at contrarians.
Don’t pity us or condescend to us.
We play an important role in world progress.
Do you have a contrarian streak in you?
It has not made you wildly popular, has it?
If you tend to think conventionally you need . . .
Drum roll . . . a contrarian to shake up your thinking.
Radical thinking runs in our family.
We shake each other up . . . quite often.
Life is never dull around our place.
If you tend to be super-cautious, tolerate us.
We mean you no harm. Really. Sincerely.
We’re just that way. Welcome us. We will rock you.
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